Sunday, May 29, 2011

One Month!

We have been on the Wait List for One Month! One month down, anywhere from 11 to 17 more months to go before we receive a referral.
Yep, you read those numbers correct. Our agency is now saying it could be up to 18 months before we see the faces of our children.
So how do John and I feel about the long wait ahead of us? Believe it or not, we have an amazing amount of peace! We know in our hearts that Ethiopia is where God has called us to adopt from and we trust that He will make a way, whatever it takes, to unite us with our children.
The uncertainty with Ethiopia adoptions has been the cause for the many thoughts bouncing around in my head. I have to be completely honest –I do have complete peace about our adoption process and I do believe my children are in Ethiopia, but the devil is trying to play cruel tricks with my head. When I hear of families dropping out of the Ethiopia program it’s bittersweet. Part of me thinks, “Well that’s one less family on the wait list.” But then another part of me thinks “how could they give up so easily.” Then despite my peace, I start thinking that maybe I have missed a sign from God. Tons of questions race through my mind – are we supposed to go a different direction, am I really in tune with what God is telling me? Am I praying enough, is my faith strong enough? Ugh. I hate the devil and his sneaky tactics.
I realize that God has changed the adoption path for many families, but I still see the faces of 5 million Ethiopian orphans who need homes. It grieves me to think of John and me not adopting children from Ethiopia. We just know in our hearts this is the path God has for us. John said the other night that he can’t even picture our family with a white baby.
Here’s what we are feeling – that unless the Ethiopia program completely shuts down, we are meant to forge ahead. I want to be obedient to what God has called us to do, even if the timetable isn’t what I had hoped. I don’t want to step outside of God’s will for John and me. I don’t want to change the entire direction of our adoption because I am impatient. I believe God has a great plan for this time of waiting. He still has work to do in my life. There are things he wants John and me to do before we become parents. I also believe that God can still move the mountains that are standing in the way of Ethiopian children being placed in their forever families. I don’t think any of these slow downs surprise God.
Right now God isn’t giving me big neon signs showing me a new plan that He has for me. He’s asking me to trust Him with the plan He revealed to me in February 2010. Even if it takes 18 months, He will make a way.
So ONE month down and who knows how many more to go – but I know who holds everything in the palm of His hand. I know that the peace I have can come from only one place – Jesus!

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