It's 3 a.m. and I just finished rocking Jackson. I went in to peek on him and he was wide awake doing his airplane. He didn't want to eat, he wasn't crying, he just didn't want to sleep. Maybe I should have just left him alone, but it won't be long before my Little Man decides he's too big to be rocked.
As I rocked him and listened to him suck on his pacifier (he's all the sudden decided he likes a paci), I silently prayed for my baby boy and thanked God for letting me be his mommy.
This weekend is full of celebration. It's my first Mother's Day, all of our family is in town for Jackson's dedication at church and we're also celebrating the recent finalization of his adoption.
As I prayed, it dawned on me that although this is a weekend of joy and celebration for me, it could be heartbreaking and emotional for Jackson's birth mom. I rocked him and I cried. I prayed that God would comfort his birth mom this weekend. I was once again reminded how much grief is mixed in with the joy of adoption.
I kissed Jackson's head and cuddled him close, sad at the thought of his birth mom never walking into his room to discover him doing his "airplane" and seeing him smile in a way that will just melt your heart.
It's not that I ever forget Jackson's birth mom. Her picture is in his nursery. We sent her a photo book for Mother's Day. But I've been so caught up in the amazingness of this weekend, that I didn't really stop and think about how Mother's Day might affect her.
I don't know if she'll feel sad or if the day will pass by without much thought - I do know that I will think of her, that I admire the decision she made and will forever be grateful for giving me the most precious gift. She will be a part of my Mother's Day celebration, after all, she's Jackson's Mother too.
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