Friday, July 8, 2011

My Heart is Burdened....

For the past few days I’ve been in a funk. I feel like my spiritual tank is dry. It’s my own fault – I’ve allowed the busyness of life to keep me from spending time with Jesus the way I should.

Yesterday I read my morning devotion and God knew I needed a little reminder that I needed to be making more time for Him.

“The world is waiting to squeeze you into a mold and to crowd out time
devoted to Me.” ~Jesus Calling

When you’re spiritually dry, it’s really hard to work in a homeless shelter. Each day I pour out (definitely not as much as I should) but I’m not taking the time to refill my spiritual bank.

When my tank is full it’s easier to love the people that cross my path every day, it’s easier to see the bright side of things. Despite how bad the situation looks, I can always find a little spark of hope – when I am filled with Jesus.

This week my heart has been burdened by what I’ve seen. This morning I spent my drive praying. My heart hurting for those that I see on a daily basis.

For the girl who is pregnant and had to come to the shelter because her parents practically disowned her when they found out she was expecting.

For the same girl who has to make the hardest decision of her life – should she put her baby up for adoption? to work crying and

Wishing that John and I could provide the love, family and home that the baby will need if the birth mother does choose to put the baby up for adoption – if only it were that easy.

For the two children that I hold and play with on a daily basis, who I’ve come to love. Their situation makes my heart sad. I see their circumstances and I don’t know how it can get better, how they could possibly have a chance for a better life. I hear the 3-year-old say the F word and see him flip people off – I get on to him, but his family member is the one teaching him those things.

For the parents who don’t have patience with their kids. They scream and yell at them just because they are being kids.

I started reading the book “Plan B” last night and there was a quote that really stood out to me.

“The question that resurfaces for me again and again and again has more to do with all the unexplainable pain and hurt in the world. The greater struggle for me is that God exists, yet so does a lot of pain and suffering.”

Yesterday during our morning devotion, I caught myself asking God why it’s so hard for John and me to become parents when so many children desperately need the love and stability that we can provide. Why does it take so long and cost so much for children to be placed in families?

I’m glad that God let’s me ask those questions. That when I am an emotional wreck and my heart hurts so desperately, that I can just spill my guts and He loves me just the same.


  1. The question of why is one of the hardest things about the IF struggle, for me at least. I don't have any words of wisdom, but just some e-hugs to you and to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel, at all. It is all so incredibly hard sometimes and seems so backward.

  2. I understand how you feel about not spending enough time with Jesus and getting weak, it is so easy to do. HE IS OUR STRENGTH! I read a quote that said if you decide to live a different kind of life, you just cant do it without the Holy Spirit. Meaning a life following Christ wholeheartedly. Lean on Him when you are weak and He will make you strong!

  3. Hey, you. Just checking in to let you know I'm thinking of you. :-)