I'm listening to the sound of Jackson's heavy breathing as he naps and the pitter patter of the rain. I just sat down in my over-sized red chair, cracked open Jesus Calling and soaked in the words that I so needed to hear.
"Your capacity to experience Me is increasing, through My removal of debris and clutter from your heart. (oh, Lord how I need some clutter removed!) As your yearning for Me increases, other desires are gradually lessening. Since I am infinite and abundantly accessible to you, desiring Me above all else is the best way to live."
For the past few months I have been knee deep in bottles, diapers, and all things baby. Between the feedings, changings, and yes, sometimes screaming, I haven't found much time to crack open my Bible and soak in the sweet refreshing words of Jesus. I have been yearning for quite moments with the Lord, but they don't come as easily as they once did. It seems the moment I sit down to pray, Jackson needs me or my Martha personality shines through and I am overwhelmed by the laundry piled on the kitchen floor or the dishes in the sink. I realize I can pray at anytime and often times I do while I rock my baby boy or I'll have little chats with God between this bottle and that diaper change, but I need more. I am spiritually dry!
I don't even feel like I'm getting my tank filled on the Sunday's we make it to church. Because, seriously, how can you concentrate when your sweet boy poops EVERYWHERE in the middle of service? I'm talking the poopiest of poop diapers. Jackson and his dad had to change clothes! And it didn't just happen once. It happened on two different Sundays! And if he's not pooping, he's up all Saturday night screaming, and we hit snooze when Sunday morning rolls around.
Don't get me wrong, I'm loving this mommy gig! Even though I don't get to dig into the word or pray as much as I did before Jackson arrived, Jesus is never far from my mind. I think of Him each time Jackson smiles. I think of Him when I rock my sweet boy and remember how we were brought together. When I look at Jackson, I can't help but think of Jesus.
A few days ago, Jackson was on a blanket on the floor and we were playing. He was smiling and chattering away and I decided to read him a few stories from his Baby Hug-A-Bible. Reading the simple words about how much God loves Jackson and how He will take care of him, I realized I was getting too hung up on not spending enough time in prayer and in the word. The Baby Bible reminded me that it's really very simple. I have to love God. I have to love others. I don't have to sit down and spend hours and hours in the Word or in prayer. I can talk to God all day long. I can meditate on a single verse throughout my day. I can think of God and praise Him as I kiss my sweet Jackson's cheeks. I can forget about the pile of laundry and the dirty dishes and choose to desire God more than a clean house.
I'm going to have to keep it simple during this season of my life, because being a new mommy is pure chaos at times. I may not (probably won't if I'm being honest) be able to do Bible studies as extensive as I did before Jackson was born. I may not be able to pray for long periods of time without an interruption (unless I'm driving! That's some valuable praying time for me!).
This morning as I was cleaning the bathroom, I felt like God whispered "do something. Start somewhere. It doesn't have to be a big commitment."
I am going to start my Jesus Calling devotion again. It's not much, but it's something. Each day, a few moments with Jesus that I desperately need!