Tomorrow's the big day! I will go with our birth mom and we will find out what the baby is. It almost feels surreal, like an out of body experience. I should be more excited. Don't get me wrong, I am excited and I can't wait to finally know. I'm going to about pee my pants in happiness whether they say boy or girl.
But the past week or two I've had my guard up. There's some uncertainty (okay, quite a bit) because we don't know if the birth father is going to try and get custody of the baby. He could end up making a big sticky mess of things and that's a tad bit scary.
I know when I see the baby during the sonogram tomorrow, when I see/hear its heartbeat and when I hear them say it's a boy or a girl, my heart will be that much more invested in this little life.
Ten fingers and ten toes that we may or may not get to spend our whole lives kissing. That's the grave reality of our situation - so much uncertainty until the baby is born and both parents have terminated their rights.
It's hard to explain loving a baby that you've never seen, held, carried in your own womb, felt kick from within you. We feel this way about our Ethiopian children and about this baby too.
The past few weeks have been full of spiritual warfare for John and I. Satan is doing all he can to get us down, to get us to stop trusting the One who is weaving this adoption story together. Satan is attacking our adoption journeys and areas in our marriage because he HATES family. He HATES the amazing story God is writing.
"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in faith." (1 Peter 5:8)
We are standing firm in our faith. That our Mighty God, the one who began this incredible story, will finish it. We are putting on the full armor of God. Ready to fight our Goliath - the devil's attacks, the birth father and all that stands in the way of us adopting this baby.
"Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of the dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your guard, and after you have done everything, to stand." (Ephesians 6:10-13)
Tonight my Bible study was about David defeating Goliath. There were some pretty good reminders that I can apply to this season we face - fighting for a family through adoption.
1. Take God's Word Over the Opinions of Others
2. Measure the Size of Your Obstacle Against the Size of Your God
"We tend to measure our obstacles against our own strength. Thus we often feel overwhelmed and defeated before the battle begins. I'm not suggesting that if we measure our obstacles against God, our battles will be effortless. David still had to face his giant obstacle and use the strength he possessed, but his confidence in God caused a simple pebble to hit like a boulder."
3. Acknowledge an Active and Living God
"We are often intimidated in battle because we are uncertain of our faith. We must remember we don't stand in victory because of our faith. We stand in victory because of our God. Faith in a living, active God moves mountains. He is alive, He is active, He wants to make you living proof."
So I will go to that sonogram tomorrow and I am sure it will take my breath away when I see that tiny image on the screen. The child that I believe God chose to be mine before it was ever knit together in the young girl's womb. I will cry, I will make a dozen phone calls to share our good news and I will probably even do a little pink or blue shopping.
I will put on the full armor of God, resist Satan's attacks and proclaim that my God can move mountains.